The Lord may urge us to move in a different direction, whether looking for a new job, joining an organization, focusing on developing one’s God-given talent, or even relocating to an entirely new location. Being human, we all struggle with change to varying degrees. Some of us may grit our teeth and fulfill His request wholeheartedly, whereas others may have a spiritual tantrum of sorts. Even after seeing how faithful God has been to me and how He gave me what I needed when He asked me to do something new in my own life, time and time again, I still struggle sometimes and become fearful. I question if this is a failing on my part. If the Lord looks at me and says, “Oh you of little faith,” like He said to Peter when he walked on water toward Him, but sank when he saw the wind and waves:

At once [Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I;^* do not be afraid.” Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith,^* why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:27-31).

Try as I may, my sensitive nature makes me attune to the slightest ripple, both internally and externally, of which most people would be unaware. I suppose God created me in just this way for His greater purposes – for me to use to help in His kingdom and for my own spiritual evolution. I am a unique creation and He does not make mistakes. This can be a heavy burden to shoulder that leads to us asking ourselves questions.

Certain questions pervade in the time of unknowing, the lingering darkness. Why am I the way I am? How much more can I lean on the Lord? What do I do when I don’t feel His presence? Jesus learned the Psalms and it provided him consolation during His trials. Sometimes He didn’t feel His Father’s presence and relied upon them (when Jesus was on the cross – refer to Matthew 27:46 and Psalm 22). The psalms are scripture passages I sometimes rely upon when God seems distant and prayer seems to be dry and strained – like sawdust in my mouth.  I refer to Psalm 139 for edification about God creating me:

You formed my inmost being;

you knit me in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, because I am wonderfully made;

wonderful are your works!

My very self you know (Psalm 139: 13-14).

These three questions confound all those who embark on their spiritual pilgrimage. What gives me an additional source of comfort and encouragement is to look at the saints’ lives and their trying circumstances. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux went through her own dark night of the soul. Though she didn’t feel His presence, her steadfast faith sustained her, as she states in this quote:

What pleases the good God, in my little soul, is to see me love my littleness and my poverty. It is seeing the blind trust I have in His mercy.

Another saint who inspires me is St. Teresa of Avila, who also went through her own trials and tribulations. In words she said to Christ, I find a sliver of humor and blunt, naked honesty (http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=208):

Sometimes, however, she couldn’t avoid complaining to her closest Friend about the hostility and gossip that surrounded her. When Jesus told her, “Teresa, that’s how I treat my friends” Teresa responded, “No wonder you have so few friends.” But since Christ has so few friends, she felt they should be good ones. And that’s why she decided to reform her Carmelite order.

Jesus is our best Friend, and the closer He draws us to Himself, the more trials we may face. Prayer is what sustains us in the midst of the dark nights, a spiritual sickness. I end with one final quote from St. Teresa of Avila who struggled with prayer and urge you to pray how you can and not how you can’t (http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=208):

Prayer is an act of love, words are not needed. Even if sickness distracts from thoughts, all that is needed is the will to love.”

Blind trust and prayer will sustain us as we follow the saints’ footsteps of faith.